Posts Tagged ‘thoughts’

 

 

Well it’s finally here. After two and a half months in the making, it is ready. Unlucky Artist: Volume 1 is available free to download.

If it wasn’t for the followers on WordPress, I wouldn’t have got the success I have now or even be able to put this sort of project together, so I thank you. Please go to the ISSUU website and give it a good rating if you like it. I also recommend that you download it. It’s quite lengthy and it means you can keep coming back to it. We had last minute problems with the cover so it is a bit plain but really it is about the content.

Spread this far and wide and hopefully we can reach the target number of hits/likes/downloads to do some real damage. The link is below along with the link for the Tumblr site, where it can also be found.

Thank you.

ISSUU - Unlucky Artist: Volume 1

TumblrUnlucky Artist: Volume 1

 

 

The launch of the free e-book ‘Unlucky Artist: Volume 1′ will be available three weeks today! To celebrate, here is another sneak preview.

Enjoy!  ——————> UNLUCKYARTIST

UnluckyArtist

 

It’s been a while since I gave you all a update so I have decided to give you a little sneak preview of the e-book that will be released next month.

Here is the link to the exclusive preview!  -> UnlcukyArtist

 

Well you have all be waiting very patiently and I think I’m ready to explain. I have been very busy since last Christmas sorting out this and that for different projects. I was originally scheduled to write a pilot for a production company and it was going to be shown on British television. This was axed due to different issues, mainly on the part of the production company. I went back to the drawing board and knocked a few ideas around, until I decided to return to the blog world and give something back to the fans that got me this far. So to you, I give you…….

UNLUCKY ARTIST: Volume 1 is a collection of scripts and comedy plans that were meant to be shown on TV. Instead I will be releasing them online as a e-book, for free. It will include a new spin on the Imonthebandwagon blog as well as brand new stuff. You won’t have seen anything like this before. It’s the comedy writers equivalent of a mix-tape and I will be putting it online on 24. 10. 12.

I know it seems a long way off but there are still things to sort out and I need to make sure it is as good as it can be before it goes out. There will be sneak previews here and there and I will keep everyone updated on any news. I will send out updates through Twitter, Facebook and imonthebandwagon.com. There will be a Tumblr page set up that will be exclusive from imonthebandwagon and will give details about the project.

It MAY signal the end of the Imonthebandwagon concept, I don’t know what the future holds for that. But it will give birth to new comedy that you just won’t find anywhere else.

Go nuts, Reblog, Retweet and Facebook it. UNLUCKY ARTIST: Volume 1 is coming

JOWETT: Back again! Hello!

RYAN: Hello

JOEL: Hello

JOWETT: Mike is just outside, talking to one of the management team. I was going to wait until he came back in the studio, but he is purposely taking his time, so we will start without him. You alright Ryan?

RYAN: Yes mate

JOWETT: Been up to anything interesting?

RYAN: Doctors, this morning

JOWETT: Why?

RYAN: Just registering with a new doctors

JOWETT: Oh ah? What was wrong with your old one?

RYAN: Well, I dunno. Just wanted to register with a better practice. My old one was unreliable

JOWETT: Oh. He kept cancelling appointments?

RYAN: Nah. But if your doctor ever Google’s your symptoms, it’s time to leave

Laughter

JOWETT: Yeah, fair enough. What did you have to do then?

RYAN: Just forms and stuff. questionnaires on how healthy I am

JOWETT: Right. Were you honest?

RYAN: Yeah pretty much. Well there was a question that said ‘How often after a night out, can you not remember anything’ and the options were Couple times a year, Couple times a month, or Couple times a week. Obviously the answer is a more than a couples times a week. But they don’t need to know that

JOWETT: (Laughs) I think they do mate. That’s what the questionnaire is for

Door opens

MIKE: Alright?

JOWETT: Decided to join us now?

MIKE: Yeah

JOWETT: What were you talking about?

MIKE: Management wanted me to re-work a track we recorded last week. I did it and they said it was worse than the first one

Laughter

JOWETT: Well do it again then

MIKE: Nah, if they can use the first one

JOWETT: Why did they want you to re-work it?

MIKE: Something about pushing it for a higher entry in the charts

JOWETT: And you can’t be bothered to do it again?

MIKE: Nope

JOWETT: (Tut’s) Look at him. The bar is raised and Mike limbo’s underneath it

Laughter

MIKE: Move it along

JOWETT: Who’s kid is that out there?

MIKE: Erm Paul’s I think

JOWETT: Eh? Paul isn’t black

MIKE: So?

JOWETT: Well….that child is

RYAN: His wife is probably black

JOWETT: She isn’t

MIKE:…….Should we call the police?

Laughter

JOEL: I think they adopted him

JOWETT: Ahh well that makes sense

MIKE: Sort of information we should know. Thought our management team were running a child trafficking ring for a second there

JOWETT: You ever thought about adopting a child, Mike?

MIKE: No mate

JOWETT: You know someone who adopts kids, don’t you?

MIKE: Err yeah. He is a record executive. He and his wife have adopted quite a few deprived children of different nationalities. I think they are collecting them until they get one from every country. Dinner time must look like a UN meeting

Laughter

PING

MIKE: What?

JOWETT: Just bordering on offensive, that was

MIKE: Hardly

JOWETT: I bet you didn’t do what I asked you to do for this weeks post either

MIKE: Coming up with an awkward moment?

JOWETT: That you have put yourself in, yes

MIKE: I have actually

RYAN: And me

JOWETT: Go on then, Mike

MIKE: I met a female fan after one of our gigs once

JOWETT: Wait wait wait…can this be published?

MIKE: Yeah yeah, don’t worry

JOWETT: G on

MIKE: So yeah, I met this girl after our gig. I think she was about 25. Randomly, she went through her hand bag and pulled out a paper snowflake and said “Look at this”. It had drawings on it and she was showing me them all saying “There is a picture of a horse, there is a star” etc. After she finishes showing me this paper snow flake I said to her “So does your carer know you are here?” As a joke. She looked at me for a few seconds and as she folded up the snow flake to put in her bag she said “Actually, one of the DOWN SYNDROME children I look after, made it for me”

Laughter

JOWETT: Oh god

MIKE: I know

JOWETT: Ryan?

RYAN: Err yeah. When I was at university, I was walking through the town center and this woman, working for a charity, stopped me. I knew straight away she was going to ask me to sign up for a charity donation, but being a student, I was skint, so I was thinking how to get away

JOWETT: Right

RYAN: She said “Firstly before I start, are you over 18?” So I thought here is my way out of this! So I said “Aww sorry im afraid im not” So she said “Are you in school then?” And I just went with it and said “Yeah, I am”

JOWETT: Tut tut

RYAN: So then she says “Why aren’t you in school now?” to which I replied, with a cheeky smile “Ah im skipping school, don’t tell anyone”. At this point, her face drops and she goes “Right. Well I work for a charity that works to help unprivileged children in poverty, to afford to go to school”

Laughter

RYAN: So then I had to stand there for a good 20 minutes while she lectures me on while I shouldn’t skip school

Laughter

MIKE: Brilliant

JOWETT: Right, time to wrap this up. Until next time!

 

 

funny blog, comedy blog

Howdy! Normally I would post a conversation with the lads in the band, but due to a mental work schedule, I have been left without one this week. So I thought about what I could do in place of a conversations of cat’s, puppets and other stuff that will inevitably get us sued. I consulted the band and they reckon I should write my own post. I wasn’t too keen on the idea but when Mike, in a brilliant bit of reverse psychology, said “There’s not much point in doing one without us, it wont get much attention” I decided to do one anyway.

In keeping with the theme of destroying the memories of childhood hero’s for many people I decided to take a look at Cartoon’s of the 90′s. I know, this has probably been done to death, but I am going to put a slight slant on the idea. I am going to look at what these cartoons really meant

So I’m going to jump straight in to it

POKEMON

I really got in to Pokemon, it was great. But, like many of these cartoons, until you step back at a later age and think about what it really was, you wont realise its a bit wrong. Here is a summary of what I see now when I think of Pokemon

It’s about a world in which people capture animals and make them fight other animals for badges’

Which, if I’m not mistaken, with or without the badge reward system, is illegal. If I wandered around my local park with a chimp under my arm that was armed with a knife, and offered to battle it against some random bloke walking his pit bull, I would be arrested. Cock fighting is illegal as well as many other types animal fighting, so why is Pokemon alright? They never go in to the darker side of the Pokemon world where medicine is being tested on them and different shades of eye shadow “Oh look! the shampoo has gone into Pikachu’s eyes, he doesn’t seem to like it. NEXT BOTTLE!”

JOHNNY BRAVO

Now, it doesn’t take a lot of effort to realise why this was a bit dodgy, but I will sum it up anyway

It’s about a sex addict, that sounded like Elvis, best friend was a little girl and spends every day hassling and perving on women

When you are 11 years old, you don’t think about why this concept is definitely too mature for us. You just think “I’m a bit bored of him failing to chat up women and dedicating the gym to only the upper half of his body”. And what was the deal with his relationship with that little girl? She was always around! But to be fair, he did seem to not like that girl when she was around. An aspect that was carefully looked at by the writers when considering a relationship between a pervert and a little girl

    SCOOBY-DOO

Apart from the obvious drug references I wanted to point out something else. They made this cartoon so Scooby-doo could talk…sort of. You just take it for granted that ‘because he’s a dog, that’s the best he is going to be able to talk’. Until they introduced ‘Scrappy-doo’ who could talk with PERFECT DICTION!

This just made me think “Well…..what’s wrong with his uncle? Was it the drugs? Was it a stroke?”

So basically, Scooby-doo was

A dog with a speech impediment”

Scooby was subsequently taken off these kids by the authorities. Turns out Fred used to kick him

It was the last straw after several counts of wasting police time for emergency calls about ghosts

                                                                                                                             COW AND CHICKEN

This one was a one-off. It was the only cartoon I watched as a 12-year-old and thought “…………This aint right”

A cow and a chicken, brother and sister. I remember it even baffled and confused my dad so much he told me not to watch it again…..

 

      FREAKAZOID

Literally

A bloke with ADHD

Not so much a super hero, more as a bit of a tool with attention deficit disorder. No one ever said  “Well clearly, this lad is ill” “No he’s not! He’s a bit of a character!”

It wasn’t classed as that when I was in school, he would have had to have taken medication

                                               

     

                                                                                                                                                    DEXTER’S LAB 

Dexter’s Lab was a good cartoon, but like the others, had deeper theme’s. This cartoon was basically

“A bit of a loner, has no friends and spends all his time in his room”

They cut off this cartoon before it got to the episode where he walks in to his school with a gun and shoots everybody before turning the gun on himself

His sister went on to give talks on bullying

That’s all the one’s I could think of. If you can think of others, don’t hesitate to join in!

If you miss the band’s ramblings then you can catch an interview we did earlier in the week with H. E. ELLIS here

Also sign up to follow us on Twitter, Facebook, BlogLovin and Bloggers

CHEERS!

JOWETT: Here we are again! You alright lad’s?

RYAN: Yeah

MIKE: Yep

JOEL: Yeah

JOWETT: We got a good response from the last post. People liked Joel’s review of Aladdin. A lot of people, on the email, were surprised about Mike getting wound up because Joel kept getting the monkeys name wrong. He kept calling him Apu from The Simpsons, instead of Abu. But people didn’t expect Mike to know the name’s of Disney characters!

MIKE: Well, I know my cartoon monkeys!……not that I’m saying Apu is a…

JOWETT: You should probably stop there

MIKE: (Laughs) Yeah

JOWETT: Anyway, Joel, I heard you talking to Ryan about a dream you had but I made you stop and save it for this, so take it away

JOEL: Erm it was weird

JOWETT: I don’t doubt that

JOEL: Well I was at home with my family sat around the dinner table and one by one they just exploded

Laughter

JOEL: And I thought ‘Oh that’s IT!’

Laughter

JOWETT: (Laughing) Yeah. When family members start exploding, it’s time we start to look at they way we are living our lives!

JOEL: That’s was it really, I woke up after that

JOWETT: Bizzare

MIKE: I just like the idea of the look on his face while his family members blew up around him and he just sat there a threw a mild tantrum “Well you have just ruined this meal now, the atmosphere is terrible”

Laughter

JOWETT: You had another weird dream before didn’t you?

JOEL: What was that?

JOWETT: Something about a music festival? I think you said you were camping  at a music festival and there was a torrential storm with flooding and you said hundreds of people died?

JOEL: Oh yeah. And my tent got wrecked!

Laughter

JOWETT: Anything else you want to talk about

RYAN: Errmm I was talking to my ex girlfriend, right

JOWETT: Yeah?

RYAN: And she said “You talk about cats a lot on that blog. I don’t like cats” so I said why and she said “They aren’t very loyal”. So I asked her to explain what she meant and she said “When my Nan moved house, her cat refused to move with her”

Laughter

JOWETT: What?

RYAN: (Laughing) Her Nan’s cat refused to move with her

MIKE: How spoiled is that cat? You just put it in a box and bring it with you. “Come on Tibbles, let’s go” (Daft posh voice) “Err no I don’t think so, I’m going to stay here, thank you very much!”

Laughter

MIKE: “No no come on now, in to the cat basket” “NO! I wasn’t consulted about this! I haven’t seen the house! I don’t know the area! I’m staying!”

Laughter

JOEL: I have just got an image of the cat holding on to the to the door frame with its claws and her Nan trying to pull her off it

MIKE: Can you imagine when she finally gets it to the new house “See Tibbles! It’s nice isn’t it?” “…I hate you”

Laughter

JOWETT: Yeah that is stupid, but please, no more cat stories

RYAN: Sorry

JOWETT: You will all probably be reincarnated as cat’s, after you die, as payback

MIKE: (Tut’s) No I wont

RYAN: Well you wont. You will come back as Kermitt’s rectum

Laughter

MIKE: For what? I’m just telling people what they need to know, those Muppet’s aren’t able to expose whats happening to them. Miss Piggy isn’t being spoken for. Poor little sod can’t even write an autobiography about her pain

RYAN:(Laughs) Write one for her

MIKE: Okay

RYAN: What would you call it?

MIKE: Errrm ‘This little piggy went to court’?

Laughter

JOWETT: Right, stop it. I want to talk about our position in the comedy blog charts

MIKE: Where are we?

JOWETT: Fourth mate, but we want third. Perez Hilton is above us

MIKE: Oh ah. Perez ‘The Racist’ Hilton

Laughter

JOWETT: (Laughing) Yeah him. What do you make of him?

PING

MIKE: I probably shouldn’t

JOWETT: Why?

MIKE: Because of the PING

JOWETT: Mmm I didn’t hear anything…carry on

Laughter

MIKE: Why are you about to let this happen?

JOWETT: I want this blog  to be top of that humor chart

MIKE: Well , the humor chart yeah?

JOWETT: Yeah

MIKE: Well, I heard that, Perez Hilton thought ‘Schindlers List’ ….was a comedy

PING

Laughter

MIKE: He has a punch bag with the faces of black comedians on it

PING

Laughter

MIKE: He sat watching ‘American History X’ nodding and smiling

PING

JOWETT: Okay okay stop it now. Enough of that smear campaign, that will do. I better wrap this up. management do NOT look happy. Until next time!

Well, as probably predicted I have to point out that Perez Hilton is not racist and does not think Schindler’s list is a comedy nor does he sit ‘nodding and smiling’ while watching ‘American History X’. But please keep singing up to Bloglovin and Twitter

Not quite finished. If you want more from the lads, we did two new interviews. One with H. E. ELIIS and another with Randomville.com

Cheers!

JOWETT: Hello

RYAN: Hello

MIKE: Hello

JOEL: Hello

JOWETT: You are reading the 4th best rated Comedy Blog in the UK! I’m here with the lads. How are we all? Ryan is annoyed, isn’t he?

RYAN: (Laughs) He is yeah, made a fatal mistake

JOWETT: What did you do?

RYAN: Doesn’t matter, just can’t believe I’ve done it

JOWETT: It’s okay, your only human

RYAN: No mate, that saying is Bollocks, “Everyone makes mistakes, that’s how we know we are human”…no, I already knew I was human, I didn’t need to prove it to myself by overdosing my mum’s cat

Laughter

MIKE: (Laughs) If there was ever a euphemism..

RYAN: Don’t

JOWETT: So what have you done?

RYAN: I’m looking after my mum’s cat while she is away and I have to give it medication for it because it keeps being sick, but I over did it and now…well….it seems to be able to laugh

Laughter

JOWETT: Laugh?

RYAN: Yeah, it didn’t seem to work so I upped the dosage and it slept for like, days

Laughter

JOWETT: Oh god!

RYAN: And now makes this manic noise, normally in the middle of the night, its terrifying

JOWETT: (Laughing) Christ

MIKE: How did you give it the medication?

RYAN: Just put it in it’s drink…I mean water

Laughter

MIKE: Look at that Freudian slip! you have done this before! Why are you trying to spike your mum’s cat? Can’t you pull the cat like normal perverts?

RYAN: Shut up

MIKE: (Daft voice) “I tried to flirt with it by making fun of her, saying it’s breathe smelt, but she was clever, she saw through me”

Laughter

MIKE: “Look at you, you tease…… I see your bowl is empty, another drink?”

JOWETT: RIGHT! Stop it now. We are already being monitored by PETA because of Bean Bag. What’s wrong with you lot and cats!? Joel’s cat self harms because it depressed!

Laughter

 JOWETT: Are you alright Joel? Heard you have been watching Batman?

Laughter

JOEL: I was watching old school Batman episode, with Adam West

JOWETT: Did you? Did he like it?

Laughter

MIKE: I liked the old school Batman

JOWETT: Did you? Favourite episode?

MIKE: Err the one where Alfred developed Alsheimers

JOWETT: This didn’t happen

MIKE: It did, they found him wandering around the ‘Bat Cave’ with no underwear, looking lost  “Holy senior dementia, Batman, I’m not qualified to deal with this!”

Laughter

JOWETT: Right look at this news story ‘Man in Gumby costume fails Miserably in store robbery’

MIKE: Whats ‘Gumby’?

JOWETT: Erm It’s an American, children’s show character from what I gather

MIKE: Okay

JOWETT: “The clerk of the 7-Eleven store where the claymation character showed up just after midnight early Monday did not think too much of the green life-sized TV figure standing before him demanding money” (Laughs) didn’t think much of the life-sized TV figure (Daft voice) “Is this is a robbery? Your costumes terrible! you’re not getting a penny!”

Laughter

JOWETT: “Gummy was accompanied by a plainclothes man, who is seen on surveillance video entering the store behind his costume-clad friend”

MIKE: So one of them decided to get a disguise while the other didn’t? I’d like to see the moment when they met at the spot before the robbery “You said you werent going to wear a disguise!” “Argghhhhh It was a last-minute decision, I PANICKED!”

JOWETT: “The store clerk ignored the life-size Claymation character, telling him he could not waste time with jokes because he had to clean up the store, according to San Diego Police spokesman Detective Gary Hassen”

Laughter

JOWETT: How demoralising must that be for someone carrying out a robbery when the bloke behind the counter goes “Get out of here you tinker! What are ya like ay!?”

Laughter

JOWETT: “According to Hassen, investigators believe that it was a man wearing the Gummy costume “You don’t think this is a robbery? I have a gun,” Gumby said during the robbery, fumbling inside his costume to find his weapon, according to Hassen.

Laughter

JOWETT: “However, the would-be robber was only able to find loose change instead of a gun, dropping 26 cents on the floor. Gumby and his plainclothes Pokey took off in a minivan after realizing their plan had been foiled…by the costume” (Laughs) (Daft voice) “You don’t think this is a robbery!? RIGHT! I’VE GOT……26 cents, I’ll be on my way and we will say no more about it ay?”

MIKE: The thought of him struggling inside his costume, trying to get a gun while his mate stands beside him trying to look menacing is hilarious. There must have been a moment where he realised he couldn’t get to it and just stopped and had to whisper to his mate after huffing and puffing “I can’t…I can’t get it” “Well do something, he already thinks we are a joke!” “I’ve got 26 cents, shall I throw that at him?” …….”let’s just leave”

Laughter

JOWETT: “The clerk described gumby as a green ‘Spongebob Squarepants’ as he wasn’t familiar with the green TV character (Laughs) (Daft voice) “Who are you supposed to be? Spongebob Squarepants?” “WHAT!? I’M CLEARLY GUMBY, YOU MORON! THAT’S IT I’M LEAVING!”

JOWETT: “The clerk did not report the encounter, but his boss informed police after viewing the surveillance tape several hours later. “It doesn’t matter if a potential robber is wearing a ski mask, a bandana, a hoodie or a big, green head-it’s still a disguise,” Hassen said.”

MIKE: Very true! but that sounds like a few people have tried to rob that shop and after reviewing the CCTV footage, his boss has had to say to him”That man that came in demanding money wearing a big green head, well, just like the people before him wearing ski masks and the ones before them wearing bandanas, it was another disguise”

Laughter

JOWETT: Right I best wrap this up. Untill next time!

Keep signing up for Facebook, Twitter and Bloglovin if you haven’t already done so. And vote for us for the Bloggers choice awards! You can find all the links on the left! And a massive thank you for helping us reach 4th spot in the UK top humor blogs and top 120 in the world! much appreciated! One day we will clinch top spot!

JOWETT: Hello again!

MIKE: Hello

RYAN: Hello

JOWETT: JOEL IS BACK!

Cheering from around the room

JOEL: Hello

JOWETT: How are you mate?

JOEL: Better now

JOWETT: Good good. As you know, in your absence, Bean Bag has been filling in for you

JOEL: Yeah

JOWETT: There were some rumours, sparked by Mike, that he had killed you and turned you into a rug

Laughter

MIKE: I never said rug, just kidnapped

JOWETT: Well either way, your back

JOEL: Yeah

JOWETT: However! A lot of people loved Bean Bag as a guest on this and BB himself has suggested he should carry on taking your place

JOEL: Right

JOWETT: We thought about it and decided, in the interest of fairness, to put you through a quiz. If you pass the quiz you will retain your place and Bean Bag will go back to spending his lunchtime at the home for abandoned cats

Laughter

JOWETT: Okay?

JOEL: Err yeah. What are the questions on?

JOWETT: Just one’s we came up with, some are stolen from the Weakest Link I think. I’m confident you will do okay. But, in the interest of fairness, we will be fair to Bean Bag and help you

JOEL: Okay

JOWETT: Okay first question. Hallie Berry was in a film called ‘Monsters ……..

JOEL: INC?

Laughter

JOWETT: YEP! Next question. What was the name of the child in the ‘Jungle Book’?

JOEL: Errr (Pause) Jim?

Laughter

JOWETT: Yeah yeah, finally, who was the second person to walk on the moon?

JOEL: Ah! Errrr b b buzz err buzz….

JOWETT: Yeah?…

JOEL: Buzz, Buzz (Pause) Buzz Lightyear?

Laughter

JOWETT: Yes! It is! Welcome back Joel, you have retained your space on this blog!

RYAN: Honestly thought he was going to get that last one

MIKE: And me

JOWETT: Ahhh back to normal. Right I wanted to talk about the last post

MIKE: Which bit?

JOWETT: Well In the last post we talked about the modern cultural issue’s missing from ‘Harry Potter’

MIKE: Yeah, while you were gone, Joel, we talked about high brow stuff!

JOWETT: Get out Mike! Your contribution was claiming that “Iraqi looking wizards, jumping barriers at train stations would get shot”

Laughter

MIKE: I never said ‘Iraqi looking!’

PING

Laughter

MIKE: I DIDN’T SAY IT!

JOWETT: WHAT DID YOU SAY THEN?

MIKE: …..’black mate’

JOWETT:  Anyway I was going to say, that we forgot to mention that the character ‘Dumbledore’ was gay

MIKE: (Tuts) Shut up

JOWETT: He was mate, J K Rowling admitted it! I mean they didn’t discuss it in the book or films

Laughter

JOWETT: They never had a scene where Dumbledore was in a string vest and leather hot pants hanging around outside public toilets

Laughter

MIKE: It never came up in the book? The other wizard teachers never said anything?

JOWETT: (Laughs) No mate, they were quite liberal

MIKE: So are you saying being gay is an issue ? Oh you make me sick!

JOWETT: Shut up, it’s not an issue. I’m just saying, it’s a modern factor. 1 in 3 people are gay, so she thought ‘Well I better make one of them gay’ and therefore chose the dominating father figure of thousands of children in a school

Laughter

JOWETT: (Laughs) Look at management with his hand hovering over the PING button wearing a confused look on his face trying to decide wether there was something wrong with that last sentence

MIKE: Made some comments today haven’t you!

JOWETT: Behave!

RYAN: To be fair, Mike, you have spent the week trying to ‘out’ one of our technicians

JOWETT: What?

RYAN: He has decided one of our technicians is a closet homosexual

JOWETT: Who? And based on what?

MIKE: Callum, and based on the fact the evidence is stacked against him!

JOWETT: For legal reasons can you just point out that you haven’t got a problem with him being gay

MIKE: Well obviously. But I think he is but he’s hiding it. I’m honestly just trying to get him to be himself!

Laughter

JOWETT: Pfft come off it

MIKE: Nah Iv got a bet on with someone

JOWETT: Well he doesn’t look gay. For the readers Callum is a chubby lad with longish brown hair. Give me reasons for you suspect him to be gay

MIKE: He likes ‘Westlife’

JOWETT: Fair enough

Laughter

JOWETT: I’m joking, you can’t base it just on that fact

MIKE: Erm he get’s his eyebrows waxed

JOWETT: Mmmm

MIKE: AND! He has his nipple pierced. When I called him on it and said it’s gay, he said “It’s not gay, Nathan off One Tree Hill has his nipple pierced”

Laughter

MIKE: Saying THAT makes you gay

JOWETT: This sounds like bullying

MIKE: Whatever! I remember once you said he looked like a diabetic Justin Bieber!

Laughter

JOWETT: (Laughing) that’s not true

MIKE: It is

JOWETT: Stop it now, leave that lad alone and let’s move on. I’m going to try to claw back some normal innocent chat. Erm, Ah, on Twitter, someone I was following was asking people what is their favourite romantic movie scene of all time. Mike, a chance to redeem yourself, what is your favourite romantic movie scene? Show your nicer side

MIKE: Erm (Pause) The shower scene in ‘Schindler’s..

JOWETT: RIGHT THAT’S IT FOR THIS POST!

Laughter

PING PING PING

JOWETT: IT’S OKAY IV’E GOT IT! It’s goodbye from everyone here, maybe forever thanks to Mike. Maybe we will see you next week! Goodbye!

Thank you once again for reading. I think if there was ever a post to be considered for the freshly pressed page IT’S THIS ONE! absolutely no swearing at all! Keep following us on Twitter and Facebook, you can find the links on the left hand side of the page. Also sign up to follow us on Bloglovin, we are climbing the Humor chart rapidly and want to get to the top! We are also looking at doing exclusive interviews for other people to put on their blogs, maybe as a band or individually. The intervew will be exclusive to your blog only and you will get to ask the questions, anything you want. If interested, sign up and express your interest!

Get On the Band Wagon!

JOWETT: Hello!

MIKE: Hello

RYAN: Hello

JOWETT: Joel is missing, like properly missing.

Laughter

JOWETT: It’s not really funny, we haven’t spoken to him in two days. We can’t even use this to ask people to look for him because it’s anonymous, the irony. So to replace him in this post, which is no way related to the disappearance of Joel, we have BEAN BAG!

BEAN BAG: Hello

JOWETT: You have even come prepared with a game you would like to play in this post, is that true?

BEAN BAG: Yeah

JOWETT: OKay we will get on to that a bit later. In the meantime what have you been up to since we last spoke to you?

BEAN BAG: Not a lot

JOWETT: Do you go out much? Like drinking? I imagine you’re a bit of a character once you have had a few down you?

BEAN BAG: I don’t actually drink

JOWETT: Really?

BEAN BAG: When you’re drunk you’re reactions are affected and your guard is down. The last time I drank there was an incident in which there might have been a biting

JOWETT: A biting?

BEAN BAG: I can’t remember the full details of what happened that night but according to the police reports there was a biting

MIKE: I heard you got into a turf war with a squirrel

Laughter

JOWETT: (Nervously Laughing) Michael, don’t. Anyway, have you not been up to anything else?

BEAN BAG: I have been restoring an old bike in my spare time, in my shed

JOWETT: Hmm really, what else is in this shed?

BEAN BAG: Bits and pieces

MIKE: Of Joel?

Laughter

JOWETT: Ohhh dear

BEAN BAG: No

MIKE: Where was Joel on your list?

JOWETT: Stop grilling him!

MIKE: Just interested!

JOWETT: let’s play your game, move this along

BEAN BAG: Okay, it’s a mini quiz I have devised, I came up with them a few minutes ago. Thought it would be a good idea to fill the post instead of news

JOWETT: ……Okay

BEAN BAG: I have given you all pieces of paper and a pen so you can mark down your answers

JOWETT: Yep, you have questions there for us?

BEAN BAG: Yeah

JOWETT: Take it away then!

BEAN BAG: Okay, first question. three ways to completely dispose of bone

MIKE: pfffft

JOWETT: Errr okay, next one

BEAN BAG: What is the capital city of Norway?

Pause

JOWETT: Next one

BEAN BAG: The Suffolk Strangler, Steve Wright, was convicted of five murders on the 22nd of February 2008 (Pauses) who really did it?

MIKE: F**k me

Laughter

JOWETT: (Laughing) Whats up?

MIKE: I’m just eyeing up the exits, mate! Don’t worry about me

BEAN BAG: Which is the fifth planet from the sun?

Pause

JOWETT: Next one

BEAN BAG: Finally, what caused the death of approximately 800,000 people in Africa in 1994?

JOWETT: (Laughing) Right

BEAN BAG: Once you have written down your final answer I will take them off you and add up the scores

Ryan Laughs

JOWETT: What?

RYAN: Mike’s answer to every question is ‘Bean Bag’

BEAN BAG: Childish. So I caused the death of 800,000 African’s then?

JOWETT: Don’t answer that. Who won?

BEAN BAG: Errm (Pause) No one

JOWETT: Everyone got the questions wrong?

BEAN BAG: It appears so yes

Laughter

BEAN BAG: I thought this might happen so I have prepared a tie-break question. Who ever answers this question first, wins

JOWETT: Okay

BEAN BAG: In 2009 Mattel celebrated the 50 th anniversary of Barbie…

MIKE: Ay?

BEAN BAG: As part of a series to celebrate the toy’s 50 th birthday, Mattel brought out a Barbie doll based on which German politician?

MIKE: Goebbles?

BEAN BAG: No

RYAN: Goering?

BEAN BAG: (Sounding fed up) Why? Why would they base a Barbie doll on a Nazi?

RYAN: I dunno, it’s your question!

BEAN BAG: Forget it, im not playing anymore

MIKE: Ooooooo

BEAN BAG: Don’t wind me up

Laughter

JOWETT: Don’t Mike. let’s change the subject. Erm I wanted to ask, do you have a…partner at the moment?

BEAN BAG: No

JOWETT: Did you use to? I heard from some of the other roadie’s you did, but broke up?

BEAN BAG: Well yeah but we broke up

JOWETT: Ah, was it bad?

BEAN BAG: I didn’t let it phase me

JOWETT: Mmm I was told about it actually

BEAN BAG: Told what?

JOWETT: That after it…..you were so heartbroken you couldn’t even look your cat in the eye

Laughter

MIKE: If that cat could talk!

BEAN BAG: Well it can’t because it’s dead. Suppose I could have asked it why it ran out in front of that car

MIKE: THREW itself in front of that car

Laughter

JOWETT: Oookay then! Let’s finish this. Hopefully Joel will be back next week! So until next time! Goodbye!

Keep signing up to follow us on Facebook and Twitter and now Bloglovin!