Archive for April, 2012

Hello!

After the success of the last ‘Jowett’s post’ I have decided to do more of them. This on will be focusing on life after the cameras stopped rolling on some of the worlds most popular films. What happened next to in the world of these amazing characters? Well, I’ll tell you….

Charlie and the Chocolate Factory

The Story

Well you know the story. An eccentric man, Willy Wonker, that owns a spectacular, world renowned chocolate factory and let’s a select group of people inside to take a tour. By the end of the tour, the group has been whittled down to just one 10 year old boy named Charlie and his grandfather. As he was the last child standing he was given the opportunity to help run the chocolate factory along side Mr Wonker, he accepted and they lived happily ever after…

What Happened Next?

Well it turned out Mr Wonker wasn’t a well man. His decision to let a group of random children enter his top secret factory was fulled by a heavy dose of prescription drugs. The period was known by insiders as ‘Will’s mad month’ where he would make knee jerk decisions like sacking an Oompa-Loompa for looking at him “The wrong way”. Anyway, after he made the offer to Charlie, his medication fulled rampage wore off a day later. He couldn’t remember a thing, feared the worst and set up a meeting with his lawyers

WILLY WONKER: I’m sacred I might have done something bad again

LAWYER: I’m afraid you have Mr Wonker

WILLY WONKER: Go on, give it to me straight……

LAWYER: Well would you like the good news or the bad news?

WILLY WONKER: Bad news…..

LAWYER: You have signed over half your equity to a 10 year old boy..

WILLY WONKER: Oh your joking?

LAWYER: The good news is he will be half culpable for the deaths of the 4 children that took place whilst on the factory property

WILLY WONKER:……Shithouse

Lord of the Rings: The Return of the king

The Story

The ring has been destroyed, order has been restored and the crusaders have been celebrated for their efforts

What Happened Next?

After A weeks worth of long drunken parties that go into the early hours of the morning with the rest of the crusaders, Merry and Pippin get back to the shire. Shortly after Merry get’s a visit from the police. An female elf has filed a complaint of sexual assault against Merry. Merry obviously denied the accusations but the Police have  to come and question both Merry and Pippin on their whereabouts on the nights of the assault. After giving statements, it was apparent that both Merry and Pippin where in the same place as the Elf. After going over their recollection of the night, Merry started to become worne down and aggitated…

OFIFICER: Once more, I want to hear what happened again at the post ring destruction party

MERRY: (Desperate) I’ve already told you what happened!

OFFICER: I want to hear it again. And see if it matches my notes

MERRY: I spent most of the night just in the corner of the room, I’ve told you!

OFFICER: Well what were you doing in the corner at 1.30am?

MERRY: I dunno, just demolishing another thirst quencher, probably

PIPPIN: ‘Thirst Quencher’ is Merry’s slang for Elf (Laughs)

Merry and Pippin share a laugh followed by an awkward pause

MERRY: He’s joking….

OFFICER: Merry Brandybuck, I’m arresting you on suspicion…….

Pippin was cleared on all counts of sexual assault and it was put to bed. Shortly after Frodo returned he realised the last time he saw his wallet was in Mordor. His reaction could be heard across The Shire

Rise of the planet of the apes

The Story

Dr William Rodman has accidentally created a virus that enhances intelligence in apes. This had led them to break out of captivity and rampage across the world

What Happened next?

After secretly being smug at his backfiring virus, he seeks legal advice on his involvement in the end of mankind….

LAWYER: How can I help you Mr Rodman?

WILL RODMAN: Errr I may have done something bad. And It could get worse

LAWYER: Okay, what have you done?

WILL RODMAN: Well, you see that Gorilla out there, smashing up that Mazda?

LAWYER: …..Woah

WILL RODMAN: Yeah. I did that

LAWYER: I see

WILL RODMAN: I’m in trouble, aren’t I?

LAWYER: Erm

A human corpse comes through the window

LAWYER: Yeah

It didn’t make any difference, mankind was doomed. Will Rodman now lives in New York, in a stolen fancy dress, gorilla outfit.