RYAN: What are we waiting for?
JOWETT: Mike. He’s on the phone
RYAN: Just start without him
JOWETT: Nah I’m going to wait until he decides to not to be a pain
MIKE: Hang on a second phil. You will be waiting a while, Jowett. Sorry Phil, carry on
RYAN: Come on, Jowett, start without him
JOWETT: No! Why are you talking to Phil?
MIKE: (Put’s hand over the phone) He is sorting stuff out for me
JOWETT: What?
MIKE: He’s looking at work that needs to be done to my new house
JOWETT: This can wait until after, surely? This is rude
MIKE:It won’t take long
JOWETT: Put him on loud-speaker, might as well involve him
MIKE: Okay. You are on loud-speaker, Phil
PHIL: Okay
JOWETT: Hi Phil
PHIL: Hello
JOWETT: How’s thi..
MIKE: Bit rude Jowett. I was in the middle of something…
JOWETT: There are no words to…
MIKE: Phil, what did you ask before?
PHIL: Do you want me to add a cat flap?
MIKE: No
PHIL: Why?
MIKE: Because I don’t have a cat
PHIL: Do you have a dog?
MIKE: Yes
PHIL: Do you want…
MIKE: No I don’t want a dog flap
PHIL: Why?
MIKE: I don’t think they exist for a start
PHIL: They do, I have one
MIKE: Really?
PHIL: Yeah, actually had it put in last week. The dog just runs in and out of it all day
MIKE: What dog do you have?
PHIL: Great Dane
JOWETT: A Great Dane? That must be a big flap. Are you not worried someone will climb in and rob your house?
PHIL:…Shi (Hangs up)
MIKE: Phil?…Phil?..He’s gone. Go o then Jowett, you have my undivided attention
JOWETT: Good. I want to talk to you all about the interview you gave, last week, for a magazine. More importantly when asked about the Pussy Cat dolls comeback
MIKE: What about it?
JOWETT: Well for a start, it’s never going to be published
RYAN: Why?
JOWETT: Because we asked them not to
MIKE: I cancelled stuff to be at that interview! What was wrong with it?
JOWETT: Well let’s see. When asked if you knew anything about the new Pussy Cat Dolls you said yes. Why?
MIKE: I can’t remember
JOWETT: Let’s jog your memory. When asked “Do you know any information about the new Pussy Cat doll group” Mike said “I know that there is now enough of them to set up a charity for rejected members”
MIKE: (Laughs) Yeah. I did say that
JOWETT: Which leads me to their next question “Have you ever met any of the Pussy Cat Dolls?” To which Joel replied “Yeah I met one of the old ones. She seemed very bitter and almost threatening. I was scared of her. But I know her quite well now and she’s alright” Joel, you have never met any member of the Pussy Cat dolls
JOEL: I have!
JOWETT: No mate, you haven’t. Then as the reporter obviously got excited at getting some inside information on them, she asked you for some facts about them that fans might not know
JOEL: Yeah
JOWETT: Joel replied “They are more scared of you, than you are of them” No Joel, that’s a fact about spiders
Laughter
JOEL: ….Still applies to them
JOWETT: You clearly didn’t think to stop either when she said “Anything else?” and you said “They will come into your house seeking warmth in the winter” That’s STILL spiders
Laughter
MIKE: Is there a conclusion to this lecture?
JOWETT: Don’t give interviews on info about other pop stars ever again, okay?
MIKE: Christ, fine!
JOWETT: Good!
Pause
MIKE:You haven’t said anything about my new iPhone…
JOWETT: …So?
MIKE: It’s brilliant, thanks for asking. Does literally anything and everything
JOWETT: Brilliant, let’s move…
RYAN: Can you find out what the weather is going to be like tomorrow?
MIKE: Psh! what planet?
RYAN: Mars?
MIKE: Raining, all day
JOWETT: I don’t think that…
JOEL: Can it tell me what Goofy is?
MIKE: There is an app for that!
RYAN: Can it weedle out which members of the private security industry are actually closet homosexuals
MIKE: There’s an app for..
JOWETT: There is NOT and app for…
Mike shows Jowett his screen
JOWETT:…..My god
MIKE: I downloaded a ‘Race Card’ app the other day
JOWETT: What’s the point in that? You can’t use it
MIKE: Meh
JOEL: What’s a ‘Race Card’
JOWETT:…… Untill next time, it’s goodby
Laughter
MIKE: Woah woah hang on. Are you not going to answer him?
JOWETT: NO, no I’m not and neither are..
MIKE: The ‘Race Card’ is a..
JOWETT: Don’t do this, come on
JOEL: I think I know what it is anyway
MIKE: Go on..
JOWETT: Okay but be careful
JOEL: If, say, a black person believes he or she is being taken advantage of because of their race..
JOWETT: Yeahhhh?
JOEL: They can then use the ‘Race Card’…
JOWETT: Yeahhhh?
JOEL: And say “I challenge you to a race because I know I will win, because I’m black”…That’s right, isn’t it?
JOWETT:……Yep. Goodbye!
Laughter
