IMONTHEBANDWAGON: The Christmas post!

Posted: December 21, 2011 in Band Conversations
Tags: , , , , , , ,

JOWETT: Hello! Welcome to the I’m On The Band Wagon Christmas post. I’m here with, Joel, Mike and Ryan

MIKE: Hello

JOEL: Hello

RYAN: Hello

JOWETT: And as it’s a special post we have another guest with us. An old favourite. BEAN BAG!

BEAN BAG: Hello

JOWETT: Back again!

BEAN BAG: I am

JOWETT: Right then. Let’s get straight into it! Oh last week, Joel said he was gonna have a go of black magic. How did that go?

MIKE: You had a go, didn’t you?

JOEL: Yeah, nothing seemed to happen. I tried to curse Kelly Clarkson by drawing her face on a potato

Laughter

JOWETT: You drew Kelly Clarkson’s face on a potato? How? And Why?

JOEL: I saw her on one of the music channels and thought “She has put on weight’

JOWETT: So naturally you thought “I’ll kill her”

JOEL: Not kill her, just see if I could influence her life a bit

JOWETT: Right, what did this face look like?

JOEL: Just did it with a black marker pen. I just did two slanted lines for eyes because you can’t really see them anymore

Laughter

RYAN: This is a bit harsh

JOEL: I did the magic on it and then threw it out of the car window when we were moving

JOWETT: And got no results?

JOEL: Not that I know of

JOWETT: So you drew a oriental looking face on a potato and threw it out the window of a moving car?

JOEL:Yeah

JOWETT: You know Kim Jong-il has died, don’t you?

JOEL:……Sh*t. How?

MIKE: Fell out of a moving car

Joel’s mouth drops

Laughter

JOWETT: Anyway, I saw something trendng on Twitter that I would like to ask one of you. Joel! When did you stop believing in Santa?

JOEL: Errm I think when one Christmas morning, my dad threw up carrott

Laughter

JOEL: He forgot to dispose of it before he went to bed and tried to scoff it down before we noticed

JOWETT: Genius. Anyway, Is everyone ready for Christmas?

RYAN: Yeah

MIKE: Ryan was ready for Christmas fu*kin ages ago!

RYAN: Just like to get it out of the way

MIKE: He gave me my present like three weeks ago

JOWETT: Impressive. Have you opened it?

MIKE: Yeah

JOWETT: What was it?

MIKE: (Tut’s) Rod Stuart’s greatest hits

JOWETT: What’s wrong with that?

MIKE: I thought it was a joke. I have seen the advert for this album on TV. The voiceover says “It’s all the Rod Stuart you will ever need!”

JOWETT: (Laughs) Yeah?

MIKE: I’ve already got all the Rod Stuart I will ever need. No punch line needed

Laughter

JOWETT: Alright, fair enough. How have you been getting into the Christmas mood? Have any of you been sent to turn on Christmas lights in a city centre?

RYAN: No, but, we have decided if we get any offers we will send Bean Bag

JOWETT: Why?

MIKE: Because we want to see the disappointed look on his face when he stands in front of hundreds of people, presses a button and nothing blows up

JOWETT: Alright. Joel, do you have a Christmas story to tell us?

JOEL: Yeah

Pause

JOWETT: Well….I’m expecting to hear it at some point

Laughter

JOEL: Oh. When I was little, In the days when I believed in santa, I got up in the middle of the night to go to the toilet. Just before I was about to cross the stairs to go back to my room I thought I heard santa coming up the stairs. So I was trapped. I couldn’t cross the stairs because santa would have seen I was awake and not leave me any presents.

JOWETT: Right

JOEL: So I had to come up with a plan, quickly. I thought ‘If I blind side him as he reaches the top of the stairs and knock him back down the stairs, then he won’t know who did it, I can jump back in bed and he won’t be able to work out who did it’

JOWETT: ……Right. How did that work out for you?

JOEL: My dad now walks with a limp

Laughter

JOWETT: Bean Bag, you got a Christmas story?

BEAN BAG: Yeah I have a Christmas story

JOWETT: Is it a nice story? It’s not weird is it?

BEAN BAG: No

MIKE: I’m going to beg to differ

JOWETT: Really?

MIKE: Yeah. In fact I will bet my place on these interviews that this story will be weird

JOWETT: Oooh Bean Bag! If this story is successfully ‘Not Weird’ then you will get your place back!

BEAN BAG: Right, do you want to leave now, Mike?

Laughter

JOWETT: (Laughing) Oooh he’s confident!

MIKE: Just tell the story

BEAN BAG: A couple of years ago, I got a Spiderman video game for my Playstation as a Christmas present

JOWETT: So far so good!

BEAN BAG: I really got into the game and completed it in a few days

JOWETT: Mike, mate, not looking good for you!

BEAN BAG: But It sort of brain washed me and I tried to jump down a flight of stairs in my house and broke my leg

Mike get’s up and bows

Laughter

JOWETT: Well done, Mike

BEAN BAG: That’s not weird

JOWETT: No it is, mate

RYAN: Just be thankful it wasn’t ‘Grand Theft Auto’

MIKE: I bet that sort of game bores you?

BEAN BAG: It does actually

MIKE: (Daft voice) “What’s the point in this game? I’m standing in a alleyway, having killed a prostitute. I did this last week!”

Laughter

PING

JOWETT: ANYWAY!  Mike, finish off this post with a story

MIKE: I have a Christmas story, but it’s one I have told before

JOWETT: Just do it

MIKE: Right well, It’s this friend of a friend who went out on Christmas eve once. This lad got hammered and, you know when you’re hungover and, like, your thoughts and your mouth aren’t connected properly? Well, he was eating his Christmas dinner and his nan was wittering on as your nan does, and he thought to himself,’Oh shut up nan you c*nt’. Then he looked up and everyone was looking at him and his dad went, ‘ I think you’d better take your dinner upstairs and eat in your room’

Laughter

JOWETT: Ahh how lovely. Anyway, that’s it for this post. We will be back after the Christmas break. So to all the readers, Merry Christmas! Goodbye!

Comments
  1. Calisa Rhose says:

    Christmas stories are a lovely way to bring us all together… Rig-g-g-g-ght! lol Great ones. Thanks for the holiday chuckle.

    Happy Holidays fellas.

  2. La Stranezza says:

    A bottle of cheap wine: ten bucks. Christmas dinner: priceless. Calling your grandmother a c**t: excellent fodder for a blog post, which, coincidentally, is also priceless.

  3. susielindau says:

    One of the best posts evah! I was snorting coffee all the way through! Merry Christmas lads!

    I saw that trending on Twitter here in Boulder, Colorado and this was my tweet-

    @susielindau #iStoppedBelievingInSantaWhen My 5th grade teacher -”Everyone who believes in Santa; stand up.” The whole class laughed at me

  4. e6n1 says:

    Hahah classic stuff! Wonder if the bloke ever managed to live down calling his nan a c*nt?

  5. the master says:

    @JakeKale #iStoppedBelievingInSantaWhen I spent all night waiting with some
    rope, a hacksaw and a Cliff Richards Greatest Hits CD, and he didn’t show.

    That’s not entirely true, it was after one of my friends told me at school, just a few weeks before Christmas. Broke my little heart, it did.

    The night I stayed up with the hacksaw just confirmed it.

  6. Kitty Hun says:

    So naturally you thought, “I’ll kill her.”

    Laughing really hard…

  7. I love the Kim Jong-il falling out of a moving car part! Priceless!

  8. justjacqui2 says:

    Can’t stop laughing! I can’t imagine calling my nan a c*nt. (She’s 6’4″ and hits…hard.) I did tase my brother one Christmas.

    Ah the Holidays…

  9. drewpan says:

    That’s a lotta broken legs for a bunch of Christmas stories!

    And I loved the Kim Jong-Il part!

  10. Did Joel smash a wine bottle the night before Amy Winehouse died? Cause, she died from being smashed…God, I’m going to hell.

  11. Roshni says:

    The story about the nan was hilarious! In fact, I loved all the Christmas stories! :) Great post!

  12. Hey Guys,
    Great stories. And yeah man that was a wierd one. I know a guy just like that. You never know what scenario he’s playing out in his mind and whether he’ll actually disconnect before interacting with you. A real Hoot. Anyway, I thought I would drop by to say Happy Christmas and I hope you all get what you desire; with the full realisation that some of those things are probably immoral if not ilegal. Well; in bad taste for sure. See you next year. Peace

  13. Many thanks for sharing your stories, and glad to see there were none including the classic ‘remember the time I was a teenager, came home drunk Christmas Eve and knocked over the tree? Mom cried and the family locked me in the basement for the night?’
    Oh wait that was me, and I was 35…

    Happiest of Holidays to you all.

  14. kewsmith says:

    And Merry Christmas to you. Thanks for a holiday hearty laugh.

  15. Blogdramedy says:

    Talk about holiday cheer. :-)

  16. Cayman Thorn says:

    Nothing short of brilliant. As per usual. You definitely put the ‘X’ in Christmas. Best to you pal.

  17. xmas is a commercialised bore replete with terrible music which assaults one’s ears everywhere one goes…but the parties are good. continue…

  18. Sowm says:

    LOL Merry Christmas!

  19. too much! thanks for the laughs, all the best in the new year!

  20. eof737 says:

    Merry Christmas to you… better late than never! :-)
    ♥Happy ♥New ♥Year ♥ too! :-)

  21. The Boy! says:

    Enjoyed the spontaneous energy you guys throw! Cool concept for the blog too.

  22. What a great post. Had me laughing this morning..What a great way to start the day. :)

  23. I wanted to let you know I have nominated your blog for Versatile Blogger, Please visit here: http://ayearwithhorses.wordpress.com/2012/01/12/touched/ to read why I chose you and to get the directions on what to do next.

    I hope this year is wonderfully blessed.
    - J.A.G.

  24. artjen1971 says:

    I know we’re almost to next Christmas, but I just read this–Hilarious!!! I love the dad throwing up a carrot as the defining moment where Santa loses his mythical standing!

  25. I really like your blog. I need all the laughs I can get–especially now that it’s back to reality in 2012.

    I nominated you for Versatile Blogger Award, please visit http://never2late2write.com/2012/01/16/vesatile-blogger-award-nomination/ to see what to do next. Thank you for sharing your blog and/or following my journey as well it is truly a privilege.

    Sincerely,

    Janet

  26. I really want an oriental face potato for Christmas…. DANG!

  27. Sue Fenton says:

    I can’t have been paying attention, cos I thought you were Americans till i got to the bit about your friend’s “nan”, “wittering on” – you’re Brits all right! Would he be from the West Country by any chance?

  28. Love the post. Hey, when you coming back on line!
    Marti

  29. ottabelle says:

    I nominated you for the one lovely blog award because you make me happy and I miss you.

    http://conversingwithnovels.wordpress.com/2012/01/22/i-have-awards-to-do/

  30. No new entries? Oh no! I need more laughs!

  31. Ha this post really brought a smile to my face

  32. Genius!

    For some reason the news coverage wasn’t mentioning the fact his death was related to a voodoo potato…

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