JOWETT: Hello! Welcome to the I’m On The Band Wagon Christmas post. I’m here with, Joel, Mike and Ryan
MIKE: Hello
JOEL: Hello
RYAN: Hello
JOWETT: And as it’s a special post we have another guest with us. An old favourite. BEAN BAG!
BEAN BAG: Hello
JOWETT: Back again!
BEAN BAG: I am
JOWETT: Right then. Let’s get straight into it! Oh last week, Joel said he was gonna have a go of black magic. How did that go?
MIKE: You had a go, didn’t you?
JOEL: Yeah, nothing seemed to happen. I tried to curse Kelly Clarkson by drawing her face on a potato
Laughter
JOWETT: You drew Kelly Clarkson’s face on a potato? How? And Why?
JOEL: I saw her on one of the music channels and thought “She has put on weight’
JOWETT: So naturally you thought “I’ll kill her”
JOEL: Not kill her, just see if I could influence her life a bit
JOWETT: Right, what did this face look like?
JOEL: Just did it with a black marker pen. I just did two slanted lines for eyes because you can’t really see them anymore
Laughter
RYAN: This is a bit harsh
JOEL: I did the magic on it and then threw it out of the car window when we were moving
JOWETT: And got no results?
JOEL: Not that I know of
JOWETT: So you drew a oriental looking face on a potato and threw it out the window of a moving car?
JOEL:Yeah
JOWETT: You know Kim Jong-il has died, don’t you?
JOEL:……Sh*t. How?
MIKE: Fell out of a moving car
Joel’s mouth drops
Laughter
JOWETT: Anyway, I saw something trendng on Twitter that I would like to ask one of you. Joel! When did you stop believing in Santa?
JOEL: Errm I think when one Christmas morning, my dad threw up carrott
Laughter
JOEL: He forgot to dispose of it before he went to bed and tried to scoff it down before we noticed
JOWETT: Genius. Anyway, Is everyone ready for Christmas?
RYAN: Yeah
MIKE: Ryan was ready for Christmas fu*kin ages ago!
RYAN: Just like to get it out of the way
MIKE: He gave me my present like three weeks ago
JOWETT: Impressive. Have you opened it?
MIKE: Yeah
JOWETT: What was it?
MIKE: (Tut’s) Rod Stuart’s greatest hits
JOWETT: What’s wrong with that?
MIKE: I thought it was a joke. I have seen the advert for this album on TV. The voiceover says “It’s all the Rod Stuart you will ever need!”
JOWETT: (Laughs) Yeah?
MIKE: I’ve already got all the Rod Stuart I will ever need. No punch line needed
Laughter
JOWETT: Alright, fair enough. How have you been getting into the Christmas mood? Have any of you been sent to turn on Christmas lights in a city centre?
RYAN: No, but, we have decided if we get any offers we will send Bean Bag
JOWETT: Why?
MIKE: Because we want to see the disappointed look on his face when he stands in front of hundreds of people, presses a button and nothing blows up
JOWETT: Alright. Joel, do you have a Christmas story to tell us?
JOEL: Yeah
Pause
JOWETT: Well….I’m expecting to hear it at some point
Laughter
JOEL: Oh. When I was little, In the days when I believed in santa, I got up in the middle of the night to go to the toilet. Just before I was about to cross the stairs to go back to my room I thought I heard santa coming up the stairs. So I was trapped. I couldn’t cross the stairs because santa would have seen I was awake and not leave me any presents.
JOWETT: Right
JOEL: So I had to come up with a plan, quickly. I thought ‘If I blind side him as he reaches the top of the stairs and knock him back down the stairs, then he won’t know who did it, I can jump back in bed and he won’t be able to work out who did it’
JOWETT: ……Right. How did that work out for you?
JOEL: My dad now walks with a limp
Laughter
JOWETT: Bean Bag, you got a Christmas story?
BEAN BAG: Yeah I have a Christmas story
JOWETT: Is it a nice story? It’s not weird is it?
BEAN BAG: No
MIKE: I’m going to beg to differ
JOWETT: Really?
MIKE: Yeah. In fact I will bet my place on these interviews that this story will be weird
JOWETT: Oooh Bean Bag! If this story is successfully ‘Not Weird’ then you will get your place back!
BEAN BAG: Right, do you want to leave now, Mike?
Laughter
JOWETT: (Laughing) Oooh he’s confident!
MIKE: Just tell the story
BEAN BAG: A couple of years ago, I got a Spiderman video game for my Playstation as a Christmas present
JOWETT: So far so good!
BEAN BAG: I really got into the game and completed it in a few days
JOWETT: Mike, mate, not looking good for you!
BEAN BAG: But It sort of brain washed me and I tried to jump down a flight of stairs in my house and broke my leg
Mike get’s up and bows
Laughter
JOWETT: Well done, Mike
BEAN BAG: That’s not weird
JOWETT: No it is, mate
RYAN: Just be thankful it wasn’t ‘Grand Theft Auto’
MIKE: I bet that sort of game bores you?
BEAN BAG: It does actually
MIKE: (Daft voice) “What’s the point in this game? I’m standing in a alleyway, having killed a prostitute. I did this last week!”
Laughter
PING
JOWETT: ANYWAY! Mike, finish off this post with a story
MIKE: I have a Christmas story, but it’s one I have told before
JOWETT: Just do it
MIKE: Right well, It’s this friend of a friend who went out on Christmas eve once. This lad got hammered and, you know when you’re hungover and, like, your thoughts and your mouth aren’t connected properly? Well, he was eating his Christmas dinner and his nan was wittering on as your nan does, and he thought to himself,’Oh shut up nan you c*nt’. Then he looked up and everyone was looking at him and his dad went, ‘ I think you’d better take your dinner upstairs and eat in your room’
Laughter
JOWETT: Ahh how lovely. Anyway, that’s it for this post. We will be back after the Christmas break. So to all the readers, Merry Christmas! Goodbye!
