JOWETT: Howdy! I am back again with the lad’s
JOWETT: Firstly I need to point out that, during this conversation, we are being monitored by some of the management team. This is because in the last conversation some daft stuff was talked about, notably, disabilities. I think at one point Mike said something like “Radioactive down syndrome sufferers”
MIKE: That was you!
JOWETT: Look let’s not get bogged down with who said what. The point is, it was said, so we are being monitored by the management. If we happen to stroll down a dangerous cul-de-sac then we will hear this sound
a PING noise is sounded
JOWETT: There we go! Before, of course, Ryan was in charge of making sure nothing mental was said by naming Beatles songs to warn Mike that he was going to get sued. But he has abandoned this method for some reason
RYAN: Because he is too quick, sometimes I can see it coming, sometimes I can’t. Once during an interview, he had realised he could just slip something liable into a normal sentence just to throw me off (Puts on Mike’s voice) “Yeah next year we will be touring around Germany, Spain, I think Robbie Williams is a closet homosexual”
MIKE: (Smiling) Yeah I did do that
JOWETT: Okay well none of that today. Also we have realised..because of emails..that we haven’t been very nice to Joel
MIKE: I don’t get this
JOWETT: Well apparently we have been nasty to him. And therefore this will be Joel’s special day and we will be nice to him all day. I have even let him do another film review because he enjoyed that last time, didn’t you
RYAN: Surely talking to him like he is a child is sorta being nasty to him?
JOWETT: I’m not, he wanted to do a film review!
MIKE: I haven’t been nasty to him
JOEL: I sort of agree. you have bullied me a bit
MIKE: If you bring this bullying up again Joel, I’m going to make life very difficult for you
JOWETT: BE NICE!
MIKE: Sorry sorry
RYAN: Yeah maybe we should be nicer. We don’t want him to leave like Johnny
JOWETT: Johnny was your old bass player wasn’t he?
JOWETT: Why did he leave again?
RYAN: He had just had enough, Mike reckons he was having a mental breakdown
MIKE: Yeah definatly
JOWETT: Why do you think that?
MIKE: Because once during a sound check, his guitar was just nackerd and wasnt working properly so he threw it to the floor and walked off saying “I don’t care anyway, it’s my birthday”……it wasn’t
JOWETT: (Laughing) Seriously?
RYAN: Yeah that was the last straw. He quit shortly after that
JOWETT: Wow okay then. We don’t want that to happen to Joel
MIKE: Honestly, we let Joel get away with murder outside of these interviews
MIKE: We turn a blind eye when he is trailing female fans into the toilets
JOWETT: Well Joel does well with the ladies, that’s not a problem is it?
JOEL: I don’t think so
MIKE: It is when it ends up in the papers
JOEL: That doesn’t happen anymore
MIKE: Matter of time mate. Ryan, did you see him eyeing up (Pause) I wont say her name because she is famous, but you will know who I am on about
RYAN: Oh yeah. yeah I saw
JOEL: Stop it now
JOWETT: Yeah come on be nice. But I am actually interested so I am going to make you whisper, who it was, in my ear
Silence for a few seconds
JOWETT: (Laughs) Ahh well that’s fair enough, she is quite nice. I was there actually! Which one of you had a rider that just consisted of Skips
JOWETT: And by that I mean the crisps not the massive bin. Who was it?
MIKE: I had Skips in mine but there was other stuff aswell
JOWETT: Fair enough. Joel what was in your rider? A girl band?
RYAN: BE NICE!
JOWETT: Sorry sorry. Come on then Joel, let’s have your film review. What film are you reviewing?
JOEL: ‘The Human Centipede’
MIKE: Course he is
JOWETT: Gon on then
JOEL: Well it is about this German bloke that kidnaps three people, breaks their knee caps so they have to walk around on all fours and then sews there arseholes and mouths together
JOWETT: (Laughing) Have you never heard of this film?
JOWETT: I have seen it and what he said is pretty spot on
MIKE: F**k me!
JOWETT: Yeah. So Joel, that was a pretty basic review. What did you think of it?
JOEL: Pretty graphic
JOEL: I wasn’t a massive fan of it overall. Bit daft
JOWETT: (Laughing) Yeah a bit daft. A bit like ‘The Ring’, because you thought that was quite unrealistic, didn’t you?
JOEL: Yeah. I don’t think I would have got myself into that situation to be honest
JOWETT: Like what?
JOEL: Well in his house, I think I could have got out of it
JOWETT: Here we go, this is where Joel tell us how he would get out of a film situation. Is this going to be as good as your methods for defeating the girl in ‘The Ring’? “I would just get rid of my TV”
JOEL: Well, in ‘The Human Centipede” there is a part where he has them in beds and he is giving them a slide show presentation on what he is going to do to them
JOWETT: (Laughing) A slide show!
JOEL: Well while this is going on, I would think ‘Im not interested in this’ then I could have got out of that bed somehow and legged it
JOWETT: Mate, it’s not ‘Dragons Den’ “Hmm I have seen what you have to offer in your presentation and I’m out”
JOWETT: And they are tied to the bed aren’t they? Havent they already had their leg’s broken at this stage?
JOEL: I dunno
JOWETT: ….Well more world-class reviews from Joel next time maybe. That is the end of this interview I think. And we got through the whole thing without the PING being used! So let’s leave it until next time. Goodbye!
Archive for July, 2011
Tags: Bands, blog, celeb gossip, Celebrities, Comedy, Entertainment, Humor, Journal, life, music, News, Quotes, Ramblings, random
Tags: blogging, blogs, Celebrities, Comedy, Funny, Humor, Interviews, life, music, News, Quotes, random, Reviews
JOWETT: Alright lad’s?
JOWETT: Just finished doing a charity gig have ya?
JOWETT: Who for? Actually judging by your target audience, crack heads?
MIKE: No, we don’t perform for crack heads, Jowett
JOWETT: You should, if it wasn’t for those crack heads you wouldn’t have a career! Drugs ruin lives, Mike!
MIKE: Well they didn’t ruin mine, so get on that
JOWETT: (Laughing) Mike there with the first comment to get us in trouble. Okay let’s move on. I saw a blog earlier that was on about first love. I don’t want to spend too much time on this so I will only ask one of you. JOEL, who was your first love?
JOEL: Erm this girl at school. I used to tease her and twang her bra strap
MIKE: Is this how you lost your job as a substitute teacher?
JOWETT: Okay Joel, please just prove him wrong, for the sake of our jobs
JOEL: Yeah I was in school at the time, year 8 I think
JOWETT: Good. Erm I heard the other day that you have never seen ‘Forrest Gump’. Is that true?
RYAN: I can’t believe this
JOEL: Nah never seen it
MIKE: (Smiling) Joel, tell them why you have never seen it
JOEL: I don’t like films about disabled people
JOWETT: Right, Mike you have clearly done this on purpose because you knew he would say something mad. I don’t think I want to go down this road
JOEL: No, I don’t have anything against people with disabilities, I just prefer happier films
JOWETT: Well, that’s sorta nice, in a way. Looks like your plan was ruined, Mike
MIKE: It’s coming
JOEL: I didn’t even like ‘Finding Nemo’
JOWETT: That film isn’t about disability, mate
JOEL: He had a dodgy fin didn’t he? Well then
JOWETT: Okay give me another example
JOEL: ‘Hunchback Of Notredam’
MIKE: BOOM! And we have a winner!
JOWETT: Oh god. Wait a second…how is he disabled?
JOEL: Well….Come on
MIKE: He wasn’t disabled, just a freak
JOWETT: (Laughing) You can’t say that!
MIKE: It’s a Fu**ing cartoon! Anyway wasn’t he stupidly strong and could climb buildings? Can he be put in the superhero bracket?
JOWETT: Your going to compare him to spiderman aren’t you…
JOEL: I suppose he is like a super disabled person
JOWETT: So what, he was bitten by a radioactive sufferer of down syndrome?
Some laughter some shocked faces
RYAN: That’s the worst thing you have ever said
JOWETT: RIGHT! This is getting out of hand. I don’t even know if this can be used
MIKE: You know spiderman? When he got bitten, why did he just accept it and go home?
JOWETT: What? Well what would you have done?
MIKE: Grabbed the bloke showing them around and say “These spiders that you are fu**ing about with, one just bit me, im suing!”
JOWETT: Okay let’s move on to something light-hearted. I have a story here. MONKEY MISTAKEN FOR ALIEN!
MIKE: I like it already
JOWETT: “People in the Chinese village Gezhai became hysterical this week when they found an emancipated monkey that they mistakenly thought was an alien. Mao Xiping found the malnourished monkey stealing cucumbers from her apartment and mistook it for an alien”
MIKE: Oh yeah, because aliens fu**ing love cucumbers!
JOWETT: “At first she thought it was a rabbit until she noticed it had a ‘alien face’ and her neighbours agreed it must be a creature from space
JOWETT: “She called the police but the local police station thought it was a prank so she took it to the police station and demanded they arrested it
MIKE: Imagine that phone call ”Hello, I have E.T here, he is eating cucumbers, can you send an armed unit to my house please?”
JOWETT: I think that story saved us. Right! Let’s end this. Goodbye from everyone!
Tags: celeb gossip, Celebrity, Comedy, events, fun, Humor, Interviews, life, music, Musings, News, Reviews, Stories, thoughts
Well, after a two-week break, we are back. We had a bit of time off abroad while the lad’s did some more writing. I finally managed to sit down with them for a new interview. Here it is!
JOWETT: So here we are! Back again! After a two-week break. How is everyone?
MIKE: I’m good
JOWETT: Yeah? Ryan?
RYAN: Yeah, tip-top mate
JOWETT: Good stuff! Joel?
JOEL: I’m okay now. I was a bit ill last week
JOWETT: Aw sorry to hear that mate, but not that interested
RYAN: Bit harsh
JOWETT: Yeah I suppose it was. Sorry Joel
JOEL: It’s okay
RYAN: He was proper ill too
JOWETT: Were you?
JOEL: Yeah, I was like sweating constantly
JOWETT: Well (Pause) We were in a hot country
JOEL: I know but I was actually ill
MIKE: I can vouch for him, he was genuinely ill. He looked pale for a week and had a constantly gloss of sweat across his face
JOWETT: (Sounding disgusted) Eugh. Why were you constantly so close to him that you noticed he had a sweaty, ill face?
MIKE: Because I tried to punch him one night and my fist slipped off his face. Made a proper squeak
JOWETT: Ahh, Mike’s back everybody! Anyway let’s get on with this. Talk about where we went. Mike didn’t like it originally, did you?
MIKE: Well no but
JOWETT: Why was that?
MIKE: Well (Laughs) There were Greek people everywhere
JOWETT: And what was the name of the country we were in?
MIKE: It may have begun with G and had a few E’s in there
JOWETT: For the record, be better clear up that you aren’t racist
MIKE: Nah, i just wasn’t a fan at first. But I got into it eventually. It was good!
JOWETT: Yep! Even though Joel was ill, he originally came to groom the foreign fans!
JOEL: That’s not fair
JOWETT: Mate I heard you chatting to the female fans. Taking down number’s and names to add on Facebook
JOEL: It’s not grooming, It’s banter
JOWETT: Sure. Well that ‘Banter’ didn’t go down well with the girl he dragged back to his room
JOWETT: Sorry, sorry. I just caught a glimpse of one of the managers eye’s and suddenly realised that in this context, ‘dragged’ is a no-no word. While we were away in this mystery location inhabited by Greek’s. Joel got in trouble. Basically he chatted up this girl, got her back
JOWETT: WILLINGLY! Of course. And she then ran off didn’t she?
JOEL: Err well yeah
JOWETT: Oh no. Sorry are we not supposed to tell this story?
JOEL: Nah it’s okay
RYAN: I spoke to her the next day and she said “All he is bothered about is sex”
JOEL: Well yeah…With her
JOWETT: Oh god I knew I was going down dangerous territory when I decided to tell this story. When you got her back to your room, what did you say? Can we re-enact it?
JOEL: Not really
JOWETT: Yeah we can do this, call your lawyer after, it will be fine. Okay I Imagine she said “No I don’t want to sleep with you” Did you give her a drink or anything
JOEL: Err nah
JOWETT: Okay erm “I think I am just going to sit her a drink this lack of hospitality and then I’m going”
JOEL: Stop it now
JOWETT: Okay sorry sorry. We better wrap this up! Until next time! It’s goodbye from us all!
We were overwhelmed with the amount of email’s we found after we came home so keep sending them in and sign up!