Archive for May, 2011

Fitness tests, Scientology and blind horses

Posted: May 26, 2011 in Band Conversations
Tags: , , , , , , ,
4

Get On the Band Wagon!

We are back with a new post. This is coming off the back of a medical and fitness test that the band members endured. It took some persuading but I have managed to convince the lads to let me read out their results during the recording of the latest interview. None of the band members know what their results are so I get to tell them. enjoy!

JOWETT: Hello!

RYAN: Hello

MIKE: Hello

JOWETT: Joel is with us again, say hello Joel

JOEL: Hello

JOWETT: I can’t wait for this

RYAN: I know, you can tell by the look on your face. Have you seen the results yet?

JOWETT: Nah. But in a moment I will have all you’re results. I will just explain to the readers that today, the lads have been put through medical and fitness tests. None of them know the results and I am about to read them all out

MIKE: What a smug cu** you are. You should have done those tests too!

JOWETT: I was busy mate

MIKE: (Sarcastically) Sure you were

JOWETT: Nervous?

MIKE: Nope

RYAN: Nah will be alright

JOWETT: Joel?

JOEL: I’m ok

JOWETT: Okay then. I have the results here. The name of the doctor was Dr Crisp?

RYAN: Yeah. Doctor Crisp. Great name

MIKE: Yeah. Did you notice he looks like Ainsley Harriett?

RYAN: (Sounding annoyed) how many times! One, he looks like Obama. And two, you can’t say that, it’s racist

Laughter

JOWETT: So what sort of tests did you have to take for this physical?

RYAN: Treadmills and bikes. Bit like a gym

JOWETT: Did any of you struggle with the tests?

RYAN: Joel looked like he was gonna die. Could see the vodka sweating out of him

JOWETT: Right. It says you went  through a series of fitness tests to assess everything from your heart rate to stamina. These involved running exercises, bike simulators and weight lifting

RYAN: Come on then let’s have it!

JOWETT: Okay then first up was Joel. We put you through all the exercises and measured heart rate and stamina and it calculated your age from how well you did. Your real age is 27 and your score came out at 47

JOEL: 47 what?

JOWETT: 47 years old. That’s how old your test results show you to be

JOEL: Right. Is that bad?

JOWETT: Err n the doctors notes it says it’s not really bad, no. But you do need to cut down on your drinking

RYAN: Sounds about right

JOWETT: Well you say that Ryan but your 30 and according to your results your body age is 51

Laughter

RYAN: Oh dear. That can’t be right

Mike continues to laugh

MIKE: You’re a mess!

RYAN: Fuck off, I bet after they calculated your body age they sent a wreath directly to your family. Your body has got to be a right state after the last 20 years with all the stuff you put into it.

MIKE: Psh whatever. My body is a temple!

JOWETT: Temple?

MATTIE: Yeah

JOWETT: Do you rent this temple out to smack heads?

Laughter from all over the room

MIKE: What?

JOWETT: You failed miserably mate. It actually says here you need to “Please consult you’re GP”

Laughter

JOWETT: You can sort that out at the end of this interview. Right, let’s move on! How is everything? Besides you’re health

RYAN: Alright

JOWETT: Good good. I saw you on MTV 2 earlier. One of your music video’s

RYAN: Did you?

JOWETT: Yep. I have noticed you are never on the HITS channel or MTV one are ya. Do you not fancy writing good songs?

Laughter

JOWETT: Fancy writing a number 1 worthy song?

MIKE: Nah we are ok. What is number one in the UK charts anyway?

JOWETT: Pitbull

MIKE: Who’s that?

RYAN: He is that bald bloke that always wears sunglasses. Remember he came on TV the other week and you asked if he has had a stroke because he sings out of one side of his mouth

Laughter

MIKE: (Laughing) ahh yeah I remember

RYAN: Tom cruise was on some advert thing afterwards and we were talking about scientology

JOWETT: Where you? I’m going to take a chance and ask you, Mike, what your views are

MIKE: It’s a load of rubbish aint it!

Laughter

JOWETT: Well done Mike. The sensitive issue of Scientology handled carefully there by Mike

MIKE: Well it is! The people who follow it are mental. But in the interest of fairness, all religions are mad

JOWETT: (Laughing) Yep! all religions are mad! except the ones that kill you. Nah Mike is obviously joking, we respect all religions

MIKE: I’ll tell you who are the weirdest people when it comes to religion. Birds! I mean women!

Laughter

JOWETT: Yep religious birds are the craziest. Oh dear that was quite misogynistic. I apologise to…

RYAN: (Laughing) That wasn’t just misogynistic, you just insulted so many people

JOWETT: Errm ok (Pause) People of earth, I’m sorry

Laughter

JOWETT: I think we have insulted enough people lets look at some news stories. As a change I will let Mike read out the news

MIKE: Ok let’s have a look (Pause) Teenager Dylan Aaron died in a fishing pond after he was pushed in by a yob who shouted: ‘Go on, drown you little b******

JOWETT: NOT THAT ONE!

Laughter

JOWETT: Fu** me! what did you think the highlighting on the page was for!?

MIKE: Ohhhhhh

JOWETT: Give it here. God you have already insulted thousands of people, we don’t need stories like that. This is the one you had to read out. BLIND HORSE OF MONTANA LOOKED AFTER BY ANIMAL GANG. “Sissy a 15 year old blind horse has formed a remarkable relationship with a highly protective entourage consisting of five goats and five sheep”

Laughter

JOWETT: “Michelle Feldstein is no stranger to taking in animals in slightly unusual circumstances at her Deer haven Ranch animal shelter in Montana, USA. Over the year Ms Feldstein, 66, has taken in ducks that can’t fly, cats without no claws and nomad llamas, but even she had to double take when she saw Sissy and her gang of helpers”

RYAN: So are they like helpers or body guards?

JOWETT: Why? Do you want to hire them? aw look at this, she says “Sissy came with five goats and five sheep – and they take care of her. They round her up at feeding time and then move aside to make sure she gets to the hay. They show her where the water is and stand between her and the fence to let her know the fence is there. Ms Feldstein went on to explain how the sheep and goats diligently look after the 15-year-old white mare come what may, even through blizzards or torrential rain” How bizarre. (Laughs) she goes on to say “When you watch them, you have to wonder, why can’t people do that?’

Laughter

MIKE: What does she mean?

JOWETT: I don’t know, it sounds like she was on the verge of making a point about racism but they cut her off. Anyway a nice little story to cap off a hate filled blog post. Untill next time! Goodbye!

Keep Joining the Facebook group and leave comments and questions if you want me to ask the band anything in the next post!

Fight club tales

Posted: May 23, 2011 in Band Conversations
Tags: , , , , , ,
10

Get On the Band Wagon!

Back again. Joel is with us again to contribute to the post. Enjoy

JOWETT: Hello!

RYAN: Hello

MIKE: Hello

JOWETT: Joel is also with us. Say hello Joel

JOEL: Hello

JOWETT: So here we are. Still alive after the rapture

RYAN: Yep

MIKE: obviously

JOWETT: Well you say that, Mike, but some people put their houses up for sale, sold their pets. All because they believed that it was going to be the end of the world at last weekend

RYAN: What? people actually sold their houses and pets?

JOWETT: Yeah

MIKE: What was the point?

JOWETT: Well because they believed they were going to heaven and therefore didn’t need a house and wanted to make sure someone was going to take care of their dog

RYAN: That must be the height of arrogance, when someone comes rocking up at you’re doorstep and goes “Excuse me. I’m going to heaven on Saturday and I’m pretty sure you won’t be, so will you look after my dog?”

Laughter

JOWETT: Yeah that’s a good point. Just to make it clear, we are not attacking anyone’s religious beliefs

RYAN: No

MIKE: It is ridiculous though

JOWETT: Right let’s move on. What have you been up to?

RYAN: Joel went to visit a mate in prison

JOWETT: (Laughs) Sorry I don’t know why I laughed. Did you really?

JOEL: Err yeah

JOWETT: Why did you pause

JOEL: I didn’t know this was going to be brought up

JOWETT: It’s okay mate, we are friends here, we won’t judge you. Can you say what you’re mate did?

JOEL: Probably best if i don’t say

JOWETT: Fair enough. What’s it like?

JOEL: Grim

JOWETT: Mmm I can imagine. Did Ryan or Mike not offer to go with you?

JOEL: Nah they don’t know him

JOWETT: Fair enough. I bet they visit other people in prison

MIKE: (Tuts) I don’t!

JOWETT: Judging from you’re song lyrics that’s where your influences come from

Laughter

JOWETT: (Laughs) For the purpose of the tape, Mike is sticking his middle finger up at me. Joel, I hear you are giving up the womanizing?

JOEL: (Laughs) For a bit, yeah. I’m concentrating on the music

JOWETT: Right. Haven’t the band had a new assistant

RYAN: Yeah

JOWETT: I saw her earlier. She’s nice

MIKE: So?

JOWETT: So, won’t that be distracting for Joel

RYAN: Nah we are going to keep an eye on him

JOWETT: I see. Who did she use to work for?

RYAN: Ermm Russell Brand I think

JOWETT: Oh right. She’s prepared then

Laughter from all over the room

JOEL: Oi!

RYAN: (Laughing) Yeah that’s not fair

JOWETT: Yeah well we will see how long she lasts wont we

MIKE: Get on with it

JOWETT: Okay let’s get some decent conversation going. I have things to ask you. I have written them down somewhere

MIKE: You could have got these things ready!

JOWETT: Got it. Here we are. Being famous, do you come across people trying to start trouble for the sake of it?

RYAN: What do you mean? Do we get a hard time when we are out and about?

JOWETT: Yeah

RYAN: Sometimes we do. I remember on one occasion some lads came up to Joel when we were in a club and they tried to wind him up. It got a bit heated and a fight broke out. At the time, we had quite a bit entourage, or what ever you want to call it, with us so we were fighting these lads off and then the bouncers inside the club got involved and told us we had to leave, but we weren’t having any of that.

MIKE: Nah, it wasn’t our fault, so we just kept going and in the heat of the moment we didn’t know who were bouncers and who were the cu**s that started it. So by the end of it we had cleared most of the dance floor

RYAN: More security came in from the surrounding clubs but our body guards at the time just kept knocking them down one by one. It was spectacular really

MIKE: I remember when the smoke had cleared people were shouting “Just get out! Get out!” And Joel was stood victorious on top of a pile of bouncers and innocent bystanders shouting “We are going nowhere!”

Laughter

JOWETT: Fu** me! What happened after that?

MIKE: We left, thought it was probably best

Laughter

JOWETT: What a mess

JOEL: We tried to go in to a MacDonald’s afterwards but they wouldn’t let us

JOWETT: What?

JOEL: We wanted some food afterwards, so we decided to go into a MacDonald’s but they wouldn’t let us in

RYAN: Joel, tell Jowett you’re theory about Ronald MacDonald

JOWETT: Go on

JOEL: Oh I think that ‘Ronald MacDonald’ and the ‘Joker’ from Batman were brothers. They both went after the same job at MacDonald’s, Ronald won the job and the joker went a bit mental and twisted. And ended up like that

JOWETT: (Pause) Right. You’re quite the philosopher aren’t you Joel?

JOEL: A bit

JOWETT: Tell me. Did you suffer any damage as a younger bloke?

JOEL: Ermm when I was 18 an old woman in a Mini Cooper drove in to the back of my van and I broke my arms and I had to wear a neck brace for months

JOWETT: (Confused) What? An old woman in a Mini Cooper drove in to the back of you’re van and did all that damage to you?

JOEL: Oh no. I got out the van to shout at  her and got hit by a Mercedes

Laughter

JOWETT: I think that should do it for this installment. Until next time! Goodbye!

Thank you for reading. If you haven’t subscribed already then do so or leave a comment with a question for the band. And join the Facebook group!





The Hangover and child beating ghosts

Posted: May 19, 2011 in Band Conversations
Tags: , , , , , , , , ,
2

Get On the Band Wagon!

Back again with a new post. This conversation came from earlier today. You know the score by now. Here it is

JOWETT: Hello

RYAN: Hello

MIKE: Alright

JOWETT: So you’re both drunk aren’t ya?

RYAN: We aren’t drunk. We are hungover

JOWETT: I can’t believe you have come to do this interview, hungover. What a mess you two are

RYAN: (Angry) We don’t have to do this! It’s for your benefit!

JOWETT: I know i know! and I’m grateful!

MIKE: In most of these interviews I have been hungover

JOWETT: I suppose being hungover isn’t as bad as if you were drunk. Then you would just come out with stuff that would be dangerous

RYAN: Yeah, never let that happen

MIKE: I could come out with stuff hungover!

JOWETT; You already have! we are still deleting the backlog of emails kicking off about your terrorist sitcom!

MIKE: I have a story about a lad that was hungover, that Alex told me

JOWETT: Go on

RYAN: Sorry who’s Alex?

MIKE: Turner. From the Arctic Monkeys

RYAN: NAME DROPPER!

JOWETT: NAME DROPPER!

MIKE: Fine then

JOWETT: No go on. As long as it isn’t mad

MIKE: Right well, it was a friend of his who went out on Christmas eve once. This lad got hammered and, you know when you’re hungover and, like, your thoughts and your mouth aren’t connected properly? Well, he was eating his Christmas dinner and his nan was wittering on as your nan does, and he thought to himself,’Oh shut up nan you cunt’. Then he looked up and everyone was looking at him and his dad went, ‘ I think you’d better take your dinner upstairs and eat in your room’

Laughter from all over the room

JOWETT: (Still laughing) really? that is brilliant!

MIKE: I know

RYAN: I sorta have a story about a hangover

JOWETT: Go on

RYAN: Well i have a mate in Spanish.. i mean spain

Laughter

JOWETT: Well can we get him in English for the purpose of the story

RYAN: Fu** off

JOWETT & MIKE: Oooooooh!

JOWETT: Must be a bad hangover. You going to tell us then?

RYAN: Nah, i remembered it wasn’t that good. Cut this part

JOWETT: No mate. The bit you cocked up in was funny. ITS STAYING IN! Right!

RYAN: OH! I DO! I do have a story about someone with a hangover! (Laughs looking at Mike)

Mike stares back confused for a moment

MIKE: Oh here we go

Ryan laughs

JOWETT: What?

RYAN: Once, we had been drinking all day in a pub. It got to about 10 o clock so we decided to move on to somewhere else. Mike had his van with him and was determined to drive us across London to this club. We didn’t think it was a good idea but in the end decided we couldn’t be bothered to walk or get the tube, so we let him drive. Because he was drunk his driving was all over the place so he decides to stop in the middle of one of the main roads. There were cars beeping their horns at him and everything. We were all going “Mike you can’t stop here, you’re causing traffic”. Mike just sits there and doesn’t say anything

MIKE: I was trying to think

RYAN: Shut up. Eventually this fiasco attracts the attention of a passing police car that pulls up a bit further up the road. As the policeman was walking towards the van, Mike goes “Right. Nobody say a word! I will do the talking!”. Everyone was really drunk so we foolishly let him. The policeman reaches Mike’s window and says “What seems to be the problem?” and Mike goes “the flattery’s bat”

Laughter from all over the room

RYAN: What an idiot

MIKE: I don’t know how we got away with that

RYAN: Or me

JOWETT: Right shut up now. I need to get this news story in before you are summoned to rehearsals. Here is the headline ‘VIOLENT GHOST BLAMED FOR BEATING BOY’

RYAN: What!?

JOWETT: “A two-year-old boy who suffered near-fatal injuries that left him in desperate need of a blood transfusion was beaten up by a violent ghost, according to his mother Erica Mendoza and her boyfriend Ivan Martinez”

MIKE: Where do you get these stories from?

JOWETT: “The pair told police a ‘evil spirit’ caused injuries to the boy and gave him multiple bruises on his body. The toddler was rushed to hospital where he was treated for kidney failure”

MIKE: That is the best excuse they could come up with? Not he fell down the stairs or something. That’s what I would have said

JOWETT: Well that’s why you will never be allowed to have children. Do you think he briefed the kid after he beat him up, in case people asked questions? “when people ask who did this to you, what do you say?” …”Casper”.. “Good boy!”

RYAN: It is ridiculous. Was the mother beating him up too or was this all the boyfriend’s doing?

JOWETT: Erm oh it says “Mendoza, the mother, said she had noticed bruises on her son’s body before but did not get him any medical treatment” So i guess she didn’t know. (Pause then laughs) it says here “Mendoza and Martinez, both 21, were adamant that an evil spirit hurt the child, even though they both failed a lie detector test. Martinez later claimed that the boy’s bruises came from ‘rough play’ with his four-year-old brother. Martinez was later arrested and confessed to police that he had punched the boy repeatedly as punishment for throwing his breakfast on the floor”

Laughter

JOWETT: We shouldn’t really laugh at that but it is funny. His excuses were getting better until he admitted it. It sounds like he paniked and blurted out what ever he could think of “It was a ghost err his brother….ah fu** it, it was me”

Laughter


JOWETT: Right that’s enough for today. Until next time!

RYAN: Bye

We are now on Blogger as well as Facebook so take a look. Keep emailing in with questions at imonthebandwagon@hotmail.co.uk or leave a question in the comments. Cheers!

‘Head’ ing down a dangerous path

Posted: May 16, 2011 in Band Conversations
Tags: , , , , , , ,
6

Get On the Band Wagon!

Hello again. We are back again with a new interview. As anticipated I received a few complaints after the picture of Mike’s mock ‘One foot in the tube’ picture was posted in the last blog so for the hundredth time, I’m sorry. The lads have been very busy over the past few days doing gigs and spending time in the studio so i have found it hard to catch up with them until now. Here it is

JOWETT: Hello!

MIKE: Hello

RYAN: Hello

JOWETT: Been a couple of days since we last spoke, hasn’t it?

RYAN: It has

JOWETT: It was enough time for my inbox to get jammed up with complaints about Mike’s picture

MIKE: You put it on the internet mate. Not me!

RYAN: He has a point

JOWETT: Yeah I know but, I think in general, we have offended a fair few people

MIKE: Says who?

JOWETT: The hate mail

RYAN: We have hate mail!?

JOWETT: Nah not hate mail, just disapproving mail, its less threatening than hate mail. Most of it is saying we need to stop insulting everyone

MIKE: That’s not fair

JOWETT: Why?

MIKE: Because we haven’t insulted everyone, YET!

JOWETT: (Laughs) Yep that’s true. Plenty of time for that

MIKE: Yep!

JOWETT: Okay, firstly. I want to get you’re thoughts on a piece of news that happened Friday. This is from the ‘Daily Mail’, A English news publication. “A 62-year-old woman horrifically decapitated in a Tenerife shop was named tonight as grandmother Jennifer Mills-Westley. The retired mother-of-two, from Norwich, Norfolk, was living on the popular tourist island, her family revealed. She was allegedly murdered by Bulgarian Deyan Valentinov, 28, who paraded the severed head through the streets of Los Cristianos. The attacker apparently believed he was ‘the prophet of God’ “. Thoughts?

RYAN: Yeah I heard about this

MIKE: So what happened?

JOWETT: A bloke in Tenerife walked into a shop and decapitated an elderly woman and then ran out of the shop, down the street, with the head under his arm

RYAN: Fu** me!

MIKE: So why did he do it?

JOWETT: They don’t know. It just says in the paper that the bloke believed he was ‘the prophet of god’

MIKE: Nut case then

JOWETT: Well yeah

RYAN: Where did he get the blade from? Did he just walk in with it?

JOWETT: Ermm hang on (Pause) Err no, here it is “Witnesses claimed he may have picked an ornamental blade off the shelves – as security guards would have spotted if he walked through the door with it”

MIKE: Could of just walked in with a small blade

JOWETT: A small blade wouldn’t have been able to take her head off, mate

MIKE: Well I suppose as she was 62, he could have probably done it with a butter knife

Laughter from all over the room

JOWETT: Oooooookay then. Ryan didn’t even attempt to stop him with a signal then

RYAN: Can you honestly say you saw that coming?

JOWETT: Yeah fair enough. I will read on “Local mayor José Reverón said the alleged killer was a bizarre individual who was known to police and had a history of intimidating passers-by on the street before yesterday’s horrifying attack. He was reportedly released from a psychiatric hospital in February and had a history of violent behaviour before the brutal killing.He apparently admitted to the psychiatric unit after knocking a stranger’s teeth out on the street”

MIKE: (Laughs) It does sound like he was building up to it. Building his confident by scaring a few people, taking some teeth and then eventually, a head

JOWETT: (Laughs) Stop it now, Mike.

RYAN: Where were security while he was sawing this woman’s head off? He had time to get halfway down the street, with the head under his arm?

JOWETT: Yeah then security chased him. They didn’t even know what he had done, just thought he had shop lifted a pineapple, and that was what was under his arm “Oi give us back that…oh god”

MIKE: SEE! look who it is now making fun!

JOWETT: Sorry sorry. Let’s move on

RYAN: I don’t know if this conversation can be saved

JOWETT: I know, i have to post it though because it’s been too long

MIKE: Tut it’s fine! It’s not that offensive!

JOWETT: Okay

MIKE: That story is mental though. You don’t get things like that round here do ya!

RYAN: Nah. There was that bloke who raided a shop when we were little. A man raided a shop with a gun took everything and the shop keeper died during it. Remember?

MIKE: (Unsure) Yeah. The shop keeper died? how?

RYAN: (Pause) He got robbed to death. What do you think? He got shot you idiot

MIKE: Well i don’t know! Fu**in ages ago!

JOWETT: I can assume most of you’re childhood stories are like this

MIKE: Nah. I have one about a mosk

JOWETT: OKAY THEN! THAT’S ENOUGH FOR THIS INSTALLMENT!

Laughter

JOWETT: Again, I would like to apologise for the picture in the last post if anyone was offended by it. It’s goodbye from me, Mike and Ryan

RYAN: Bye

MIKE: Bye

Back again soon with another post. We are starting to get questions for the lads so send them in and I will get them in the next conversation. Keep spreading the word and join the Facebook group!

Musings By Mike

Posted: May 13, 2011 in Band Conversations
Tags: , , , , , , , ,
6

Mike came out with this today. Essentially a conversation with himself ,but worth posting

MIKE: I heard a quote once that said “Character can take you places money can’t” I sorta agree…..unless that place is expensive, like Cuba. Character won’t take you to Cuba….unless you are the sort of character that was planning on smashing a plane through the Empire state building then, if you like getting beaten up and pissed on, it’s free

It’s ok i checked with our lawayers and this post shouldn’t need a apology

It started with an apology

Posted: May 11, 2011 in Band Conversations
Tags: , , , , , , , ,
5

Get On the Band Wagon!

Hello! We are back once again with a new post, quicker than expected due to the lad’s being given some time off! That sound’s like they were dropped from their record label, they weren’t. ANYWAY, in the last post Mike made light of terrorism again and as expected we received some complaints. So we would like to apologise for any offense the comment may have caused and I can only imagine, it will more than likely, happen again.

Now to the new interview with the band. Enjoy!

JOWETT: Hello!

MIKE: Hello!

RYAN: Hello!

JOWETT: How are we?

MIKE: Fine. Are you going to make me apologise for the joke I made in the last post

RYAN: Did you get any complaints?

JOWETT: Yeah we got a few. I’m not going to attempt to make you apologise no. Instead I will issue an apology at the beginning of todays post, on your behalf

MIKE: Fair enough

RYAN: What did Mike say again?

MIKE: All I did was make up a terrorist sit-com name

RYAN: Ahh yeah! ‘One Foot In The Tube’?

MIKE: Yeah. After Jowett told me about the complaints I was inspired and made a picture for it

JOWETT: Oh god (Pause) I kind of want to see it

MIKE: I have it here. Hang on

JOWETT: Let’s see it the…….

Laughter from all over the room (Some shocked faces)

Mike's Pilot

You didn't see this!

JOWETT: Right then! Moving on! I wasn’t prepared for todays chat so I have brought a newspaper with me to get topics to talk to you about. Bare with me a sec…

RYAN: Such a shambles

MIKE: Come on

JOWETT: Okay. Eurovision song contest, you gonna watch it?

RYAN: Honestly? What do you think?

JOWETT: Yeah fair enough. Even though ‘Jedward’ are in it?

RYAN: Seriously?

JOWETT: Yeah

RYAN: Christ

MIKE: Those lad’s are weird. Have they got something wrong with them?

JOWETT: (Sounding unsure) I don’t think so, just a bit eccentric, but we should probably move on in case they do have something wrong with them

MIKE: Do you think they are a bit warped because they have both had to watch the other one get buggerd by Louis Walsh?

Laughter from all over the room

JOWETT: (Laughing) Look at Ryan’s face! All Beatles songs escaped you then didn’t they? Erm Well, Ryan, thinking about it with my lawyer hat on, I don’t think so

Mike laughing

JOWETT: I can see your manager in the next room shaking his head in disappointment at that comment, Mike

Muffled sound of some shouting

JOWETT: What? (Pause) Oh. You’re manager just shouted to cut that out. Look at him stood there looking nervous. The Jim Henson of rock music, creating you bunch of Muppet’s!

RYAN: Come on get on with it

JOWETT: I saw a blog today actually that got the whole idea of the Eurovision song contest right. I think the blog was called ‘In 10 Words’ and they summed it up by saying “Every year, a cheesy talent contest prevents world war three”

RYAN: Any more news?

JOWETT: Royal Wedding is still in the news

MIKE: Why?

JOWETT: Erm (Pause) One of the royal family members wasn’t invited so she is complaining. As if! even I was invited to the wedding

RYAN: (Tuts) No you wern’t

JOWETT: I was, but decided to sell my invite on Ebay

RYAN: (Sarcastically) Oh yeah? Who to?

JOWETT: Err the username was ‘catcher in the rye no1 fan’

Laughter

JOWETT: Obviously i’m joking

RYAN: What else you got?

JOWETT: Ermmm (Pause) Invincible possum shot five times and still didn’t die? Interested?

RYAN: NOW YOU’RE TALKING!

Laughter

JOWETT: “The marsupial was found in Waterloo, Iowa, by officers who assumed the caged animal was dead. However, the opossum was still very much alive, despite taking four gunshot wounds to the face and one to the shoulder”

Curtis '50 Cent' Possum

RYAN: Fu** me! That possum has enemies. To be shot 5 times!

MIKE: Yeah! 5 gunshot wounds! and he still didn’t die! That possum is like ’50 Cent’

JOWETT: (laughs) No not really. Anyway the possum is okay

RYAN: Good

JOWETT: I think we will leave it there before i have to apologise again. Goodbye from myself, Mike and Ryan. Until next time!

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A more personal conversation

Posted: May 9, 2011 in Band Conversations
Tags: , , , , , , ,
11

Hello, we are back again for another chat with the band. Prior to this interview i told the lad’s what the topic was going to be so they were prepared with stuff to talk about. I told them i was going to ask them about their love lives. They actually turned up ready with information and even brought along Joel, the drummer, as he was apparently a ‘little rat’ when it comes to women. Enjoy

JOWETT: Hello!

RYAN: Hello

MIKE: Hello

JOWETT: For the purpose of the tape recorder, we have another guest, Joel. Joel is the band’s drummer aren’t you?

JOEL: I am!

JOWETT: Have you been keeping track of the other posts, Joel?

Pause

JOWETT: Nodding won’t work on a tape recorder Joel. I can already see this is going to be hard work. Why did you bring him?

RYAN: I told you on the phone. He is a massive love rat, he is the only one that had kiss ‘n’ tells in the papers

JOWETT: Fair enough, we will get on to that in a bit. In the last post Mike said some daft things about Bin Laden’s death

MIKE: Bin Ladenzzz (Puts emphasis on the Z)

JOWETT: Shut up Mike. We had some e-mails complaining about the joke so Mike would like to apologise

MIKE: Nah i wouldn’t

JOWETT: There you go! He wouldn’t. Mike finds terrorism funny

MIKE: No i don’t. not sit-com funny anyway

JOWETT: What?

MIKE: It’s not sit-com funny. Like laugh out loud funny. Just funny

RYAN: I’m going to regret this but…if there was a sit-com based on terrorism, what would you call it?

Pause

MIKE: One foot in the tube?

Laughter from all over the room

JOWETT: F*** me

Still laughter from corners of the room

JOWETT: Right that never happened! Let’s get on with it. Love lives! Being famous, your private life obviously gets a lot of attention, especially your relationships. There has been media attention in the past surrounding your relationships?

RYAN: A bit yeah

JOWETT: And obviously there is more attention if your partner at the time is almost famous

RYAN: Yeah. A lot of the people you hear we have been linked with are normally made up though

MIKE: Joel was linked with a member of ‘Girls Aloud’ at one point. Apparently been spotted mooching around with her

JOEL: That’s because I was

MIKE: Behave! you were never going out with anyone from ‘Girls Aloud’!

JOEL: I was! Got her number anyway!

MIKE: Yeah you bragged about it for ages and then when you rang it you couldn’t get through!

JOEL: She was busy

MIKE: Mmmm or  (Puts on operator voice) ” The number you have dialled is made up. Please sit down and shut up”

Laughter

JOEL: Shut up! just jealous!

JOWETT: I take it that particular fling didn’t last then Joel?

JOEL: Nah

JOWETT: You do seem to be the one that has the most media attention when it came to relationships. I do remember, actually, there were a few kiss ‘n’ tells

JOEL: Yeah a couple

RYAN: My personal favorite was that one from a few years ago. She was quoted describing Joel as a ‘trampy Ringo Star’

JOEL: (Sounding annoyed) What!? A trampy Ringo Star! You have to be joking!? Who said this?

RYAN: Errr  it was that Michelle *******

JOEL: (Pause) Oh well fair enough, i did treat her very badly

Laughter

JOWETT: Have any of your girlfriends mothers been disapproving? like, Mike, you were in the papers for the odd drug possession and what not. That can’t be a good start?

MIKE: My ex girlfriend’s mum loved me. Said all these nice things about me after the first time she met me

JOWETT: I take it she doesn’t know about your druggy past? because it was in some papers and that

MIKE: Nah  I don’t think she does, she was like, you are such a nice boy, and you a perfect for our **** you’re welcome here when ever you want

JOWETT: Awww (Pause) cut to your girlfriend’s  mum scrolling through Google “HE DID WHAT!?”

Laughter

JOWETT: Mike, you have just split from a relationship haven’t you?

MIKE: Yeah

JOWETT: Want to tell us why?

MIKE: She just (Pause) there were differences. She kept acting like my wife

JOWETT: Mmm, was probably that bloody ceremony that confused her ay?

MIKE: Shut up

JOWETT: Ryan, are you in a relationship at the moment?

RYAN: No

JOWETT: Have you got any story you would like to tell us about past relationships?

RYAN: No

JOWETT: I TOLD YOU TO HAVE SOMETHING!

RYAN: Errm Joel use to have girls banging on his windows in the middle of the night

JOWETT: (Laughs) Really? Asking to be let out i imagine?

Laughter

JOWETT: Aww look at Joel’s face. You wont be coming back for another post will you?

RYAN: I think he should. Did you know he only just watched ‘Charlie And The Chocolate Factory’ the other day?

JOWETT: That’s a bit random

RYAN: I know, sorry. He mentioned it to me yesterday and it blew my mind that he had never seen it

JOWETT: Which one did you watch? the old version or the one with Johnny Depp?

JOEL: Err the old one

JOWETT: What did you think?

JOEL: Didn’t like it, was creepy. Bit confusing as well

JOWETT: (Laughs) What confused you?

JOEL: Well, at the end, why did Willy Wonker only have half of everything?

Laughter

JOWETT: Ahhh yeah Joel will be back at some point. Let’s wrap it up. Good bye!

MIKE: Bye!

RYAN: Bye!

End of another post. Brilliant input from Joel. I’m going to see if i can get him on more posts. Keep spreading the word about the blog! if you haven’t already joined the Facebook page, do so!

Until next time